Comfort Zone

A situation or position in which a person feels secure, comfortable or in control
- Random House Dictionary

It is the temperature range in which the body doesn't shiver or sweat, but has an idiomatic sense of a place where people feel comfortable, where they can avoid the worries of the world. It can be physical or mental.
- Collins English Dictionary

'Do you mind if I sit over there? I never sit on this side of the table when I am here', I heard my friend say yesterday. Everybody has its own comfort zone with its own limits. I like to pride myself about my comfort zone being pretty large. I like 'different' and I don't feel something is awkward, impossible or 'not done' very often. I tell myself I don't care about traditional boundaries, structures & schemes, don't want to be politically correct, find cultural differences not scary but interesting, find changes exciting and love surprises. I sometimes laugh about people that need a strict order or rhythm to be able to function well and think: 'Oh come on, let it go for once'. But who am I kidding?

Spending some time in a totally different environment always helps to reflect yourself. Two weeks ago in Italy, in the village in the country side where the pace is slow, I caught myself in the act! Having breakfast, lunch or dinner in the agriturismo together, I noticed that I had the tendency to pick the same place at the table all the time. However, if somebody else happened to pick that place right in front of me, I actually had to rearrange myself! Being painfully aware of this stupid fact I also noticed later that day that for a few days already I had been parking my cute little car in exactly the same way, in the same spot and made a u-turn each time at exactly the same point when I drove off. Stuck in compulsion! I was shocked by the discovery that I wanted to have everything so much in order (a pretty Dutch thing to do, by the way). So I forced myself to pick another place at the table each time and parked the car from that moment on in several different places and directions. Of course these two examples are pretty insignificant, but to me it was important to push myself outside the boundaries that I apparently had set for myself.

Here in Holland most people live a comfortable life. The Dutch have the reputation to be very tolerant towards people from other cultures. After all, having always been merchants, they were forced to deal with other cultures for generations. But are we really that tolerant? I would like to call it 'indifferent' instead. Let's say the Dutch are very good in 'I don't care what you do, as long as it doesn't bother me personally'. 'He is so well integrated!' is not a compliment. It simply means 'He is just like us now, which is much more comfortable and easier for me'. Going to a party here, you will find people looking and acting like a copy of their hosts. They are about the same age, have children in the same age range, dress in an identical way, drive a comparable type of car, live in a similar house, have the same type of work and like the same places to spend their holidays. They share the same comfort zone. Only in the more creative layers of society you will find differences in race, age, culture, traditions, language, social class and status. The Dutch somehow like it when people are the same. The typical Dutch saying 'If you act normal, you act weird enough already' says it all. You can not excel, you can not stay behind, you can not be different. Too bad.

Even though I refuse to be trapped in boxes, patterns, structures, rules and expectations of others, this is more of a starting point than a fact. Like many people I need to learn how to stretch my comfortable boundaries. In my writing process I find myself postponing the actual creative writing, even though I have all the ingredients I need now to write the story. Doing some more research and creating another overview (to be as well prepared as possible, before I start writing...) is much easier, because that is what I do best. Factual stuff, things I can control. It also means not having to be in touch with myself, not having to get myself into this meditative flow that I need to be in to let my creativity and fantasy out. The writing is completely new to me, which is damn scary! I guess I have some more stretching to do here and simply need to start :-). Love, M.

Mar Adentro

When I have just read a great book with a story that has truly moved me, it is impossible for me to immediately start reading a next book, as I need to emotionally 'free' myself from the first book first. Something similar happened to me today.

After putting all the information I had gathered last week in chronological order yesterday and dividing it into chapters today, I was determined to continue writing once my son had gone to bed. The 'problem' is that I have watched a beautiful Spanish movie today (or better said: that I have continued to watch today, as I had fallen asleep on the couch last night...). The images of this movie and the story keep spinning in my head and distract my mind from writing. Now of course there are worse things than to be distracted by a magnificent movie :-). The movie is called 'Mar Adentro' (English title: 'The Sea Inside'; 2004) and it is one of the most touching movies I have seen for a while.

Just a brief summary for those who have not seen the movie, without giving away the whole story. It is based on the true story of Ramón Sampedro, who has broken his neck in a diving accident when he was young and has been paralyzed from the neck down ever since. After spending more than 25 years in a bed, he decides he wants to end his life with dignity. As the law in Spain does not allow euthanasia though, he hires a female lawyer. The lawyer has Cadasil (leukodystrophy), a progressive degenerating disease that affects both body and brain. He feels that she will be able to understand his death wish best. She does and decides to take on his case on a pro Deo basis. During the process the two grow closer and closer. The two actors were so wonderfully cast for their roles, that you sometimes simply forget the handicaps of their characters and just see two beautiful, intelligent people becoming true soul mates.

Javier Bardem is absolutely sublime in his role as Sampedro, giving Sampredo energy, strength and humor, even though he was only able to act using his face and voice! Belén Rueda is doing an amazing job as well, playing the lawyer in a very natural way. The relationship between Sampedro and the lawyer is carefully explored during the movie, in a very sensitive and refined way. Even though the topics are terminal illness and death, this has therefore become a movie about life, respect, friendship and intense love! Art is such a beautiful thing in many ways... today was a happy day, just because I was able to see this movie. Love, M.

A Great Italian Movie...

Last week I have really felt like I was in the middle of a typical Italian movie; one where life is slow, all senses are being stimulated and relationships truly matter.

If you would have told me upfront that I would meet such a palette of inspiring, interesting people in this small southern Italian village, I would not have believed you! Good friends of my friend came over from Rome, all very nice, intelligent and wonderful people. There were two female teachers (university of Milan), one taking some sort of exam to become a professor. We all felt compassion when the one girl was so stressed out she couldn't eat or sleep and then, of course, we all celebrated with her when the exam was over! The other teacher has won a bronze medal in the Karate World Championships in 1991. Having an enormous passion for the USA, she was the first Italian I have ever heard speaking English with an American accent! The Americans from Utah (one of the most conservative states of the US!), other guests in the B&B, were so liberal and free spirit that we had great conversations and really good laughs. They are still traveling through Italy now with their Italian-American friend.

Two young people (actually from my home town in Holland; how crazy is that??) came over to the agriturismo to have lunch. Next day we were discovering Naples together, as if we had known each other for years already! Last but definitely not least, there was this wonderful German couple, both film producers. Very creative minds, a good sense of humor and great conversations again. She was like the blond version of me, to a point where it got really funny and sometimes even scary! :-). Naples is absolutely amazing and I was happy to finally see more of this beautiful city. It is hectic, dynamic, chaotic, historical, crazy and breathtaking, all at the same time. As I said before, all laws that apply in the rest of Italy do not apply in Naples! You will see whole families on one scooter (all without helmet of course...), policemen driving the police car while being on the phone (correct, forbidden in Italy as well) and people trying to sell you lottery tickets in the street with the help of a life parakeet picking out the lottery ticket for you for good luck...

Coming back by train from Naples, I picked up my Cinquecento (Fiat 500) from a parking lot in Salerno and drove my new friends to the place they were staying. Believe me, I felt like a true Italian. Traffic is crazy as I have said before, especially in the cities, but just do as the Italians do and you are fine! This meant just 'pushing' my small car in between a big line of cars. As a good Italian friend of mine always says: 'Everything fits in Italy!'. Now take that literally, because this means that if there are two lanes but you can fit 4 cars next to each other, the people in southern Italy will.

The best part of this last week however was of course staying with my friend. She and her boyfriend have made me feel very welcome and loved. We have had long, intense conversations in which she told me her life story, which is beyond any fantasy. Of course it wasn't all serious business! We also had great laughs, cocktails and meals together. It all felt so right, that I even decided to stay one extra day, enjoying live Neapolitan music, another delicious meal and good company on Saturday night. After the research I did on the area and the history, I now have all the ingredients to really start writing the novel. The end result will hopefully have a good balance between her life story, my personal experiences in life and my fantasy. Now I can start putting the pieces of the puzzle together and get into the right flow... Love, M.

P.S. You can also follow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/mirjambs

Topolino

As usual, the trip from Naples airport to my final destination was more dangerous than my 2-hour flight… Twice a driver decided to take an exit anyway anyhow, passing from the outside lane right in front of my beautiful Cinquecento to get to the exit. Five minutes after that, I had to hit the breaks hard, as the woman in front of me simply stopped in the right lane to drive in reverse to the exit we had just passed. Never a dull moment on the Neapolitan autostrada!

Just had a lovely weekend with my friend, her boyfriend and two of her friends from Rome. It is good to be back here. After a nice walk in the forest, a ‘brindisi’ (a toast) on the terrace watching the sunset with Mount Vesuvio in the background we went to a nice fish restaurant in one of the harbors of Salerno. The setting was picturesque, the food delicious. However, there was a big party going on on the terrace below with a group of 20 children. The children were entertained by a few students. They did their job so well that the children were screaming and shouting of joy. We are talking 10 PM and 20 children in the age of 3 to 10 years old...

The big showstopper was supposed to be one of the students showing up dressed as Mickey Mouse (called Topolino in Italy). Not for this group of children… They started banging and hitting poor Topolino on the head. The student tried and tried to hang on to the big head of Topolino, but at one point he got totally fed up with this aggression. So he took off the big head and shouted: ‘Stop it, stop it!!!'. The youngest children started crying and ran to their moms, the oldest ones were flabbergasted and finally silent. End of party. Thank God.

Today I was at the Amalfi Coast, in Vietri sul Mare, known for its colorful ceramics. I was staring at the beautiful transparent sea, talking to my friend in the meantime and I saw a man catch a big octopus right in front of me… Life can be so simple. Love. M.

Forces of Nature and Mafia

Italy was in the news this week. A mayor was brutally murdered with nine shots in broad daylight, from a short distance. Most likely an act of the Camorra, the Neapolitan mafia. It is sad to hear that another good person has lost its life in his battle to fight the organized crime in Italy. It is even more sad to know that the Italian people in that area cry, not only because they have lost a loved one, but also out of desperation.

Desperation because Angelo Vassallo, the mayor of a small town called Pollica, brought them hope and is now taken from them. Hope that one man, coming from a humble background was able to change something in a climate of corruption. Who was brave enough to put his life and the lives of his loved ones on the line. Who was standing up for all those common Italian people that are totally fed up with all the crime in their beautiful region of Campania. The average Italian person does not want Italy to be associated with the mafia. There is nothing 'romantic' about mafia, like TV series and movies like 'The Godfather' would like to make you believe. Mafia is terror. Even though good results are being booked sometimes, fighting the mafia is like taking one step forward and ten steps back. You have to be willing to sacrifice everything and everybody that you love. Hopefully another courageous person will stand up again soon, but it is almost seems too much to ask for...

Another disaster struck the region of Campania as well last week. A big mudslide swept over the picturesque town of Atrani, on the famous Amalfi Coast. Destroying everything in its way, the mud stream blew out a door of a bar and took a 25-year girl that was working there. Police and army are still looking for the girl on land and in the sea. Being a mother myself, I cannot imagine what the parents of the girl must go through right now; I can just wish them all the strength they obviously need.

Forces of nature and mafia... in this modern world we seem to be doing miracles sometimes, but apparently there are still things that are beyond our control.

Yes, this is the exact same region that I am taking off to today and I am looking forward to it. Because I found people there that are pure, honest and very hospitable. It is the region of Caruso, Sophia Loren, Bernini, Scarlatti, Roberto Saviano and Pulcinella! It is a very complex region, a 'crazy' region and it has an absolute stunning beauty... I will post as much as I can this coming week, depending on Internet access, the weather and the ENEL (the Italian Electricity Provider :-)). Love, M.

Contrasts & Chaos

Time to polish up my Italian language. Just 4 more days before I'm off to Bella Italia. For one week I will be a guest in the B&B of my friend who’s story inspired me to write my novel. It is just a 45 minute drive from Naples, if you take the shortest route. However, I prefer to take the longer route south-east and pass the high rise buildings of Naples, the Mount Vesuvius, Herculaneum and Pompeii. This gives me the ‘true’ feeling of being back in Campania, my favorite region of Italy. From the highway you can get a glimpse at Vietri sul Mare, the gateway to the famous and spectacular Amalfi Coast, with its lovely blue and yellow majolica dome. After peeking at the coast, I will turn inland, to a small village with only a 1000 inhabitants, where I will spend the rest of the week.

I love contrasts. That is one of the reasons why I love Campania. From the moment I step out of the airport, there is something exciting. There is chaos, there is life, there is drama! There is a thrill... Laws that apply in the rest of Italy, simply don’t count here. Naples is a world on its own. Not specifically the best world, but it is different. And I happen to like ‘different’. And contrasts! The contrast between the city of Naples - with its total anarchy - and the island of Capri where everything seems to be totally in place and part of a film set, for example. The contrast of the spectacular cliffs of the Amalfi Coast, the rolling hills of the Cilento National Park and the forests of walnut and hazelnut trees in the provinces of Avellino and Benevento. Bellissima!

I will spend my week interviewing my friend, tasting the atmosphere of Campania again, getting even more inspired, taking pictures and enjoying the culture, the people and the food. Currently translating the almost 100 questions that popped into my head to ask my friend from Dutch into Italian - a challenge at itself. And in between making a scheme for my 12-year old son for that whole week, looking at houses with my mother in law and accompanying a school trip for a whole day, I need to pack somehow in the next few days! Now you understand why the chaos of Naples attracts me… it almost feels like home ☺ Love, M.

'Erotic Verses Deck Festival'

I have to admit, not too many things sound better in the Dutch language, but due to the beautiful alliteration this title does: 'Vieze Verzen Vlonder Festival'. Explaining where the name comes from doesn’t even work in a different language, as it involves a plant with the name ‘Holpijp’, which only in Dutch has a kind of ambiguous meaning. The literal meaning is ‘hollow pipe’. I trust my followers to have enough sense of humor to come up with other meanings or comparisons themselves.

Just imagine two couples, neighbors & friends, all four a bit crazy. Let them share a pond and a deck in their adjacent backyards and put a water plant in the pond called ‘Holpijp’… They didn’t even need too much wine to come up with the idea of the ‘Erotic Verses Deck Festival/Vieze Verzen Vlonder Festival’, a dinner in their backyards where, “rhyme, wine and gathering” are the keywords. This evening has become a recurrent event during the last five years.

Now beware! The rhymes that are recited on an evening like that MUST be erotic, but NOT vulgar! Well… myths, sagas, Gods, Goddesses, fates, muses, graces… everything and everybody was brought up to create and recite titillating poems and stories. Witty, intelligent, explicit, instructive and exciting tales crossed the dinner table. A divine nectar was prepared and served to us by Zeus and Hera. The promiscuous Aphrodite and her prudish sister Athena were bickering; Leda was horrified, watching her children crawling out of eggs, nine months after cheating on her husband with Zeus (who came to her in the form of a swan…). And all of this happened while we were having a delicious, abundant Greek meal!

I had to think about my previous post, called ‘Vices and virtues’. How uninhibited these people were during the old days! Look at ancient Greece and the Roman empire! Read the erotic Greek poems and study the frescoes of Pompei. And most of that behavior wasn’t even called immoral, just part of daily life! Who ever said history was boring? Did we move forward or back…? At least the traditions of those times gave us a heavenly and fun ‘Vieze Verzen Vlonder Festival’! Love, M.