Comfort Zone

A situation or position in which a person feels secure, comfortable or in control
- Random House Dictionary

It is the temperature range in which the body doesn't shiver or sweat, but has an idiomatic sense of a place where people feel comfortable, where they can avoid the worries of the world. It can be physical or mental.
- Collins English Dictionary

'Do you mind if I sit over there? I never sit on this side of the table when I am here', I heard my friend say yesterday. Everybody has its own comfort zone with its own limits. I like to pride myself about my comfort zone being pretty large. I like 'different' and I don't feel something is awkward, impossible or 'not done' very often. I tell myself I don't care about traditional boundaries, structures & schemes, don't want to be politically correct, find cultural differences not scary but interesting, find changes exciting and love surprises. I sometimes laugh about people that need a strict order or rhythm to be able to function well and think: 'Oh come on, let it go for once'. But who am I kidding?

Spending some time in a totally different environment always helps to reflect yourself. Two weeks ago in Italy, in the village in the country side where the pace is slow, I caught myself in the act! Having breakfast, lunch or dinner in the agriturismo together, I noticed that I had the tendency to pick the same place at the table all the time. However, if somebody else happened to pick that place right in front of me, I actually had to rearrange myself! Being painfully aware of this stupid fact I also noticed later that day that for a few days already I had been parking my cute little car in exactly the same way, in the same spot and made a u-turn each time at exactly the same point when I drove off. Stuck in compulsion! I was shocked by the discovery that I wanted to have everything so much in order (a pretty Dutch thing to do, by the way). So I forced myself to pick another place at the table each time and parked the car from that moment on in several different places and directions. Of course these two examples are pretty insignificant, but to me it was important to push myself outside the boundaries that I apparently had set for myself.

Here in Holland most people live a comfortable life. The Dutch have the reputation to be very tolerant towards people from other cultures. After all, having always been merchants, they were forced to deal with other cultures for generations. But are we really that tolerant? I would like to call it 'indifferent' instead. Let's say the Dutch are very good in 'I don't care what you do, as long as it doesn't bother me personally'. 'He is so well integrated!' is not a compliment. It simply means 'He is just like us now, which is much more comfortable and easier for me'. Going to a party here, you will find people looking and acting like a copy of their hosts. They are about the same age, have children in the same age range, dress in an identical way, drive a comparable type of car, live in a similar house, have the same type of work and like the same places to spend their holidays. They share the same comfort zone. Only in the more creative layers of society you will find differences in race, age, culture, traditions, language, social class and status. The Dutch somehow like it when people are the same. The typical Dutch saying 'If you act normal, you act weird enough already' says it all. You can not excel, you can not stay behind, you can not be different. Too bad.

Even though I refuse to be trapped in boxes, patterns, structures, rules and expectations of others, this is more of a starting point than a fact. Like many people I need to learn how to stretch my comfortable boundaries. In my writing process I find myself postponing the actual creative writing, even though I have all the ingredients I need now to write the story. Doing some more research and creating another overview (to be as well prepared as possible, before I start writing...) is much easier, because that is what I do best. Factual stuff, things I can control. It also means not having to be in touch with myself, not having to get myself into this meditative flow that I need to be in to let my creativity and fantasy out. The writing is completely new to me, which is damn scary! I guess I have some more stretching to do here and simply need to start :-). Love, M.

Contrasts & Chaos

Time to polish up my Italian language. Just 4 more days before I'm off to Bella Italia. For one week I will be a guest in the B&B of my friend who’s story inspired me to write my novel. It is just a 45 minute drive from Naples, if you take the shortest route. However, I prefer to take the longer route south-east and pass the high rise buildings of Naples, the Mount Vesuvius, Herculaneum and Pompeii. This gives me the ‘true’ feeling of being back in Campania, my favorite region of Italy. From the highway you can get a glimpse at Vietri sul Mare, the gateway to the famous and spectacular Amalfi Coast, with its lovely blue and yellow majolica dome. After peeking at the coast, I will turn inland, to a small village with only a 1000 inhabitants, where I will spend the rest of the week.

I love contrasts. That is one of the reasons why I love Campania. From the moment I step out of the airport, there is something exciting. There is chaos, there is life, there is drama! There is a thrill... Laws that apply in the rest of Italy, simply don’t count here. Naples is a world on its own. Not specifically the best world, but it is different. And I happen to like ‘different’. And contrasts! The contrast between the city of Naples - with its total anarchy - and the island of Capri where everything seems to be totally in place and part of a film set, for example. The contrast of the spectacular cliffs of the Amalfi Coast, the rolling hills of the Cilento National Park and the forests of walnut and hazelnut trees in the provinces of Avellino and Benevento. Bellissima!

I will spend my week interviewing my friend, tasting the atmosphere of Campania again, getting even more inspired, taking pictures and enjoying the culture, the people and the food. Currently translating the almost 100 questions that popped into my head to ask my friend from Dutch into Italian - a challenge at itself. And in between making a scheme for my 12-year old son for that whole week, looking at houses with my mother in law and accompanying a school trip for a whole day, I need to pack somehow in the next few days! Now you understand why the chaos of Naples attracts me… it almost feels like home ☺ Love, M.