Adele

Insecurity has struck... Am I at all able to write a book? Still working on the first four chapters, I am trapped in despair at the moment. A lot of new books are being published lately. Successful Dutch writers are being interviewed on television shows about their latest novels. The way they describe the process of writing and the way they talk about the characters and the stories that have sprang from their brilliant imagination, make me wonder how I can ever measure up to these kind of people. Is this a normal phase to be going through being a newcomer?

Writing is as much a practical process as it is an emotional one, I have experienced already. No matter how much fantasy you have, how great the story is you have in your head or what kind of wonderful writing style you have, you have to be organized. Big time. You have to keep a very clear overview. You have to schedule. You have to structure. Not the best of my skills. You have to stay focused, otherwise you get lost. And that is exactly how I feel at the moment. It frustrates me and makes me wonder if and how I am ever going to finish this book. This morning however I came across one of the very first tweets of my favorite British singer Adele, saying:

'I don’t know what’s going to happen if my music career goes wrong; I haven’t had a proper job yet.'

That was June 27, 2009. Adele has launched two magnificent albums since. The first album sold 2.8 million copies worldwide and Adele definitely doesn't need to worry anymore about a 'proper' job anymore! Apparently insecurity is something we all have to deal with at one point in time. Not that I want to compare myself to Adele when it comes to being talented, but maybe I should stop worrying whether or how I will ever finish this book. I should stop wining and just write, as that is what I love to do. And listen to Adele singing whenever I feel insecure... Love, M.

'Mijmeren'

Never thought writing a book would be this confrontational... I can not find any rest! Somewhere in the middle of doing laundry, seeing friends, going to the dentist, practicing sports, being my son's homework coach, dinner parties, grocery shopping, planning the next family holiday, finishing reading a book, birthdays, keeping the house clean, reading the newspaper, choosing the right high school for my son, eating, sleeping, I have to find the time, rest and the peace of mind to write. Easier said than done. Start meditating, you might say now, start yoga classes or go to an ashram for a month (like a friend of mine will be doing soon). I always tend to think that I am to restless to do these kind of things :-). Do you think I am missing the point here?

When I am in the right mood/mode, I sit down, put my hands on the keyboard of my notebook and the inspiration and writing comes naturally. No problem. I even have the tendency to 'hyperfocus' and find it very difficult to stop once I am on the go. However... to get to that point is the problem. In order to be creative, I need to clear my mind from daily worries and schedules. When I was still traveling a lot (about three months a year), I was able to do that. I also have an urge to sometimes not be 'the mother of' or 'the wife of' for a while. To just be me, myself and I. Me, alone with my own thoughts. To hear myself think. To feel myself feel. Without being overruled by the noise of daily hassle. To be away from what to eat that night, school times, sports classes and obligations, as these are all distractions from what I really want: to write this book.

One of my all time favorite Dutch words is 'mijmeren'. The English translation 'daydreaming' doesn't cover the meaning of 'mijmeren' for me. 'Mijmeren' for me is opening a door to an inner, deeper layer of myself. A place where I can find creativity. Where solutions come to me. Where I suddenly know how a character will develop itself or how a storyline will continue. Sometimes I am able to 'mijmer' on Sunday morning, when husband and son are already downstairs and I am still in bed. Or at night, when all is quiet and everybody is sound asleep. The best way to 'mijmer' however is to literally break away for a while from everything and everybody. It is not for nothing that (song)writers and other creative people lock themselves up sometimes to create a new album, book or other works of art. In order to find a solution, I am either condemned to read the book 'Meditating for Dummies' or to plan another trip. I think I will opt for the trip. A trip just for 'mijmeren'. Soon. Love, M.

Back into The Flow...

Finally back into the flow of writing! After a busy period of birthdays, the traditional Dutch Sinterklaasavond, decorating the Christmas tree and shopping for Christmas presents, I'm completely caught up in the story of my novel again. I am full of inspiration to develop certain characters and storylines. Still struggling with the dialogues of my young protagonist Elena though... It is easy to reflect her character by actually letting her do things, but to give a 7-year old an 'interesting' dialogue with one of her peers is much more challenging.

I am picking my brain to remember which novels I have read with children's dialogues. The first titles that come to mind are 'Of Love and Other Demons' by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, 'The Kite Runner' by Khaleid Hosseini and 'I'll Steal You Away' by Niccolo Ammaniti. I definitely have to go through these books again to see how these writers have managed to give these young people dialogues that have really added something to the story. With a pile of snow outside, the candles lit and some nice bottles of wine in stock, that seems to be a good objective for one of these coming days! Love, M.

Parole, parole...

'Parole, parole'
- Italian song by Mina & Alberto Lupo (1972; English translation: 'Words, words')

The other day someone asked me if I am writing in chronological order or if I am writing separate chapters and then put the story together later. Good question! I did chop up the whole story in chapters and determined what I want to tell in the beginning, the middle and at the end of the story. The beginning of the book is important as it has to trigger the reader to read on. And yes, I started with chapter 1, continued with chapter 2, but soon found out that I had to explain more about the relations between the protagonists in the beginning (without falling into the trap of giving too much information!).

So I added a chapter in between and chapter 2 became chapter 3. The question of my friend made me think however. The last few weeks I have been researching the making of movies. A movie is never shot in chronological order, but in all different shots and then edited in the end. As a story has more than one storyline and several themes, it is very well possible to write a storyline that will show up somewhere in the middle of the book or even at the end. From today on I will have a good look again at those different storylines and themes to see what inspires me most at this moment to start writing on. This gives me a whole new perspective again. Thank you for that question!

Last week I have been struggling with dialogues. Not so much dialogues between the grown up characters in the book. Those seem to come pretty naturally. But if your protagonist is a 7 year-old, what kind of dialogue do you give her without boring a grown up reader? It can not be something very difficult she says at that age, but it still has to add something to the story or to the character. The title of the 1970's song 'Parole, parole' refers to hollow words and phrases. Even though I want to create a sense of time, I don't just want to 'touch' news facts without knowing the essence. So I still do research... a lot. Gaining much more information and knowledge than I probably will ever use in this book, but better that than hollow words and phrases!  Love, M.

Back to Basics & Curiosity

I am stuck! All the information I have written down, gathered and processed for my book so far is in different documents in my computer. Of course I have printed those documents and sorted them, but now I am looking at piles of paper that are not making any sense to me. Believe me, I couldn't do without my MacBook, Internet or blogging anymore, but writing a book simply is an old-school art. It is like creating a mosaic. With every piece it becomes more complete. After adding the piece, the figure may look completely different and gives you a different angle from which to continue. Creating a story is also like creating a good wine. It needs time to mature in your head, time to develop.

Using the computer is great, but it is like painting a painting while you can only see 1/8 of the fore-study. You miss the overview, no matter how you organize everything in folders in your computer. Time to get back to my writing tips and books to see how to control this chaos. Best tip: visualize! So yesterday I bought some basic white carton cards to write things down in the old-fashioned way. Next step is to buy myself a big bulletin board where I can pin all these cards with information on. Preferably using all kinds of different colors to group the information. And I need to start making choices, because I don't need ALL of that information! So back to basics.

This weekend Holland has lost one of her biggest writers ever. Harry Mulish died at the age of 83. I loved to hear that Mulish was always curious, even at an older age. Wanted to know about new technologies, about new developments in the world. I believe in that kind of curiosity. I believe it keeps your spirit young even when your body grows old. Always look up that one word you don't know the definition of. Find out what the precise story is about a historical fact, even if it happened way before you were born. If you don't like social media, don't use them, but at least look up how they work and try it, just once. Children are always curious. They can keep on asking you questions. Go back to that curiosity! Always, always, always be curious! Love, M.

Cash for Trash

Naples and suburbs are buried under mountains of garbage again, like in 2008. The legal garbage dumps have reached their capacity, garbage is simply not collected anymore and waste is spreading quickly around the city and especially the suburbs of Naples, home to the Camorra, the Neapolitan Mafia. The Neapolitan people pay higher fees to get their garbage collected, as the average Neapolitan produces more garbage than any other Italian. They don’t separate the garbage, unlike the people in the rest of the region (this became mandatory after the crisis of 2008, but a Neapolitan ‘doesn’t do laws’). The household garbage in Naples and suburbs includes plastics, glass, refrigerators, broken car parts and mattresses that are ripped apart. You can find the trash anywhere along the road.

For decades the Camorra is in control of the waste management. In the agricultural Campania region with its beautiful lush countryside this mostly consists of household garbage. The real lucrative business for the Camorra however is collecting waste from the industrial north of Italy. Including toxic waste. The rich industrial companies can cut major costs by selling their poison to the Camorra, who will then dump or burn it illegally in the countryside of Campania. Of course the north of Italy will always deny having any part in this 'typical problem of the South'. Pieces of land (bought of intimidated landowners) are being trashed, underground holes and quarries are filled with waste like heavy metals and asbestos. The toxic waste is also sold cheaply to ignorant farmers who use it as compost for their beautiful lemon orchards, olive groves, nut trees and crops…

Local politicians are either corrupted or intimidated and therefore not taking any action. Garbage men are sitting around playing cards and smoking. The lobby of the industrialists is too strong. The Neapolitan keeps producing lots of trash. The stench of Naples is becoming more famous than the precious monuments in the city. Cancer rates are higher in this area than in the rest of Italy. Laboratory tests are being falsified. And in the meantime the Camorra laundries money this way, benefits more from the waste ‘management’ than from drugs or human trafficking and gains more and more power. Money definitely stinks in this case. The Lancet already called this area the ‘Triangle of Death’. What ever happened to ‘Terra Felix’? It makes me sad… Love, M.

Utopia.... Or not?

After having been there three times now for a longer period, Singapore is the perfect blueprint for any country, according to my husband. There is hardly any unemployment, crime, corruption or poverty. Housing is well taken care off; almost 90% of the population owns its own home. The streets are kept spotless. Buddhists, Muslims, Christians and nonbelievers live happily next to each other. There are rules, many and strict. Sounds good to me, so far. But, as Utopia simply does not exists, there is a catch with Singapore as well.

Even though Singapore is a parliamentary republic, with elections for a new president every six years, it has been governed by just one party ever since 1959: the People's Action Party (PAP). Censorship, judicial corporal punishment and the death penalty are still carried out. Singapore has one of the highest execution rates in the world (more than Saudi Arabia). The zero tolerance policy applies to any sort of vandalism or violence, which is good, but also to selling chewing gum, not flushing the toilet after using it and walking around naked in your own house. Eating, drinking or smoking in a public area like the metro station can cost you 500-1000 (Singapore) dollars. And if you happen to love the same sex, there is no place for you in Singapore.

Here in Holland we definitely have a problem with rules, discipline and authority. The policeman is supposed to be 'your best friend', you address a teacher on a first name basis and paramedics are being molested trying to save someones life. Punishments are way too low here for severe crimes, vandalism and aggression. But would I like to live in a country like Singapore? Never! Nothing good ever came out of censorship and/or corporal punishment. Strict regulation is fine, but that much control of a government is no good; people should be able to have a mind of their own. And once the government starts interfering with people's private lives on that level, that's it for me. I understand the need for regulations and I like respect for authority figures and professionals, but within my own four walls I want to determine whether I walk around the house naked.  Love, M.

The Grand Tour

The journey, not the arrival matters
- T.S. Eliot (1888-1965)

I feel like I am a passenger on a luxury train. A palace on wheels, like the Orient Express. With vintage cabins and a plush interior. All breathing elegance and history. A deluxe train that takes me on a wonderful journey. Every once in a while I get off the train to see places I have never seen before. Places that surprise me, make me wonder and bring me new experiences. After such a visit, I get back on the train to continue my journey. During that, I am meeting new people. Interesting, fascinating and intriguing people. I am enjoying the scenery, the places and the people so much, that I hope that it will take a real long time before we reach my final destination...

More precise than with the above words I could not describe how writing this first book feels to me. This 'journey' is such an amazing experience already, that it truly is more important than the arrival for me. It is a journey that takes me to unknown topics and challenges me to explore these thoroughly. As I have always been eager to learn (unfortunately never too much in the 'conservative' way....), this really is one big pleasure trip for me! Like a sponge I am absorbing everything that gets in my way. I feel privileged. It is like being on my own Grand Tour. 

Right now I have the actual story all chopped up in chapters. In short sentences and keywords I have described what will happen per chapter. Structuring took me much longer than I would have ever thought. Now the time is close to start working out these short sentences and keywords chapter by chapter into the story of Elena, the protagonist, which will be spread out over a few decades. There are still many gaps to be filled (like how the story must end exactly...), there is still much material to be gathered and many topics to be researched, but piece by piece the puzzle is coming together! And during that process, I am learning and enjoying the ride. Do I really want this journey to ever end? I definitely agree with T.S. Eliot. It's the journey that matters. Love, M.

La Dolce Vita

Mention 'La Dolce Vita' and most people immediately think of the legendary movie of Federico Fellini. The movie, that was released in 1961 and awarded with 6 important movie awards, is about a Roman society journalist that is torn between the ambition of becoming a serious writer and the temptation to lead the superficial social life of his subjects. The most famous scene is probably the one with Anita Ekberg standing in the Trevi fountain in Rome. Apparently, the Swedish Anita Ekberg didn't have any problems standing in the cold water (the scene was shot in March...) for hours and hours, while Marcello Mastroianni, being a true warmblooded Italian..., had to wear a wetsuit underneath his clothes and drink a bottle of vodka before he was even able to do the scene (drunk!).

Because of the movie, the term 'La Dolce Vita' (the sweet/good life) soon became synonym for a desirable decadent and laid back lifestyle, like the people from the upper class around the Via Veneto in Rome were living. They would spend their holidays in famous jet set places like the island of Capri, Portofino and Sardinia during summer and Cortina d'Ampezzo during wintertime. As Italy was quickly transforming from an agricultural country to an industrial country in those days, the income for the average Italian was rising. The people from middle class were able to afford themselves more luxury. At the same time, Italy was discovered by foreigners as a country with a spectacular scenery, a wonderful climate, beautiful cities, talented artists and delicious food. 'La Dolce Vita' was born. Unfortunately, at the end of the sixties, the sweet and good life had to make place for student protests, strikes and violence.

As the father of the protagonist of my book was working in Cinecittà, I have been looking into the world of the Italian cinema. Cinecittà is the Italian equivalent of Hollywood and was absolutely booming in the 1950s-1960s. It was the time of great directors like Fellini, Visconti, Rossellini and Pasolini. Italian actors like Sophia Loren, Marcello Mastroianni, Anna Magnani, Claudia Cardinale, Gina Lollobrigida and Totò . It is amazing how many beautiful movies were produced at that time. I think I am going to lock myself in for a few days and watch some... Love, M.

The Mirror

What would you do if somebody (you have met only two years ago...) calls you and tells you that she wants to write a book about your life story? It must be a weird experience, somebody wanting to know all about your past, the relationship with your parents, your most wonderful and difficult times, the loves of your lives. Of course I was inspired by this life story because it is an extraordinary and dramatic one and not just happiness and laughter. Although it is not a biography, I have realized very well from the fist moment I called her about this project, that talking about her past would be very emotional, confronting and intense for my friend. Last Tuesday I wrote her an email with a summary of the first few chapters of the book. She replied with:

'Reading this for me feels like looking into a mirror, reflecting images that I love and at the same time images that still hurt me'.

This project is not just 'a hobby' for me. This book is not just fiction, but based on a true story. This true story is not just any story, but the life story of someone I care about. It is about Italy, but not because I love Italy as a tourist, but because I got to know Italy so well that I feel at home and at ease there. Because I have found people there that are interesting, wonderful, intelligent and that have welcomed me in their lives. I am thankful that my friend is willing and brave enough to go through all of this, just because of my book. I want to be careful and sensitive about it. She told me that the book will hopefully even help her to put things in place...I hope so too. Love, M.